I heard, “Bad circulation be healed in Jesus’ name.” I looked down at my toes because that specific phrase stood out to me. And then I felt the slightest, subtlest warmth in my shins. It started to move toward my toes…

9:47am. I’m at work and stressed. I can feel my shoulders knotting. I’m a tightly wound ball ready to “throw hands” as my super cool tween says.

I couldn’t drink because I couldn’t handle it. I’m an all or nothing person, and since I didn’t want to be an “all alcohol” person, I had to be a “no alcohol” person. I couldn’t live in the middle like some people can.

I’ll use these sober tools as needed. Because I’m not drinking today.

You can either escape from disappointment and hide in an alcohol haze, or you can be sober and do whatever it is you can do no matter how small.

After I had kids and started feeling like my life was going faster than I wanted it to without seeing many of the results I had expected, I escaped in alcohol.

I ate an entire pint of ice cream. It made me so tired I feel like I could go to sleep for the night. Being sober doesn’t mean you’re suddenly going to make good choices about everything, but it’s one step in the right direction. You can take other steps when you’re ready.

When you focus on Jesus, all the other stuff…satan’s schemes, anxiety, the desire to drink, frustration with life…it all fades away and you can “fight” satan from a place of peace. A place of strength.

Yes, there’s that initial crash after a dose of booze. That hard, deep sleep a bear couldn’t wake you out of. Then that wears off, and you’re left tossing and turning the rest of the night. Parched, nasty-tasting mouth, restless.

I don’t want to look up and see what I’ve done to myself. The bags under my eyes are epic. Pouches I could carry kittens in. I can see the effects of my liquid diet plain in the tiredness of my skin, the bagginess of my jowls…This is a mural of bad choices.