Day 3, Part 3 — Are You Living From a Place of Strength or Weakness?
Turn your anxious thoughts and booziness toward Jesus
Photo by Jakub Balon on Unsplash
Sober Journey Day 3, Part 3
I don’t have a parachute
My husband finished raising me…or more accurately, he threw me out of the nest without a parachute. It was necessary. Because adulthood.
A month into marriage my husband asked me to get my license plate renewed. I nearly had a panic attack. I had never done that before and had no idea how to. He had to talk me through the steps before I agreed to go alone.
I’ve learned over the years to be bold and brave even when my insides curl up in fetal position and cry.
Having kids took that to the next level. I had to become someone I didn’t even recognize so they would have friends and experiences outside the house. I didn’t want them to have a pansy mother even though I am inherently an extreme introvert.
And God laughed
If you don’t think God has a sense of humor, just look at my kids.
To help me out with my “issues”, He gave me a daughter who cannot stand to be alone and needs to be moving 24/7 and a son who talks from the second he wakes up and continues talking in his sleep.
My husband thinks this is hilarious. He looks at me and laughs as my son is talking a mile a minute, and says, “It’s hilarious that God gave YOU that child.”
Yeah, super funny. I’m dying with laughter.
Photo by Renzo D'souza on Unsplash
Alcohol was my parachute
Drinking helped me forget how anxious I was. Or how exhausted I was after putting myself out there in ways that didn’t match my personality.
Unfortunately, if you’ve read anything about alcohol, you know it increases anxiety. So the very thing you use to calm your nerves actually makes them worse. (Read these articles: 1, 2, 3, 4)
This morning, while at a convention for work, I had to talk myself into leaving my room to find coffee. I was bold and brave and even asked for directions. But after I had my coffee, I scurried back to my room to build up another wave of courage to go register for the convention. By the time that super easy task was over, I was nearly in tears as I scurried back to my room again.
I kind of hate this about myself. I also hate that while I was scurrying, I was wishing for a drink because that would help me chill out. It was barely 10am.
Back in my room, I cranked some worship music to rebalance my thoughts.
Satan uses anxiety
There’s no doubt in my mind that satan uses these things against me. I’m not saying he causes the anxiety and therefore desire to drink, or maybe he does, but I definitely think he uses it against me.
He’s happy if I keep drinking. And when I quit drinking (I’m on day 3), he’s happy to let extra anxiety creep in so I’ll want to go back to drinking.
I know this, and I’ve been on the defensive.
What’s your reaction to darkness?
But, I’ve been a bit too focused on satan’s role in my life. I’ve been preparing for a fight because I knew I was going to quit drinking and there would be a physical battle as well as a spiritual battle.
Thankfully, Bill Johnson’s take on this topic flipped that idea on its head. In his book, Hosting the Presence, he says:
I become concerned by an overemphasis by some on the subject of spiritual warfare. Spiritual conflict is a reality that is not to be ignored…But even so, my strength is putting on the full armor of Christ. Christ is my armor!
…I can’t afford to live in reaction to darkness. If I do, darkness has had a role in setting the agenda for my life. The devil is not worthy of such influence, even in the negative. Jesus lived in response to the Father. I must learn to do the same. That is the only example worth following.
All our actions come from one of two basic emotions — fear or love. Jesus did everything from love. So much of what is called warfare comes out of fear…The devil doesn’t mind negative attention. He’ll let us chase him all day long in the name of ‘warfare.’ But it’s a place of weakness. God calls us into a place of strength — rediscovering our place in the Garden, walking with Him in the cool of the evening. It is from that place of intimacy that true warfare is experienced. (Ch 2, emphasis mine)
What does a “place of weakness” look like?
If your thought is “I need to quit drinking because it’s wrong, unhealthy, destroying my marriage or life, etc.,” you are operating from a place of weakness. The focus is on bad behavior and character correction.
This might be an important place to start, but it’s not a good place to stay.
If you lean into fear and anxiety and say, “Well, I have anxiety issues, I think I’ll stay in today,” you’ve let satan win. If you give in to drinking and say, “I can’t help myself,” you’ve let satan have control over your life.
At the same time, if you’re feeling anxious or struggling to quit drinking and blame it on satan and focus on fighting him, you’ve also let him win.
Doing nothing gives him victory.
Focusing on his role in your struggles gives him glory.
He wins either way.
What does a “place of strength” look like?
Instead, the life-changing stance is drawing closer to Jesus, which results in wanting to remove anything — alcohol, drugs, sex, gambling, ambition, chocolate brownies, goals for your children — that would keep you from drawing closer to Him.
INSTEAD, when you’re feeling anxious, or like you might go crazy without a drink, you turn to Jesus. That’s operating from a place of strength.
For me that usually means listening to worship music. I listen to “Champion” by Bethel Music with Dante Bowe (my current confidence-booster song).
I pray and ask for help. I remember Who I Am in Christ. (I have these bookmarks all over my house and car. I’ll send you one. Send me a message!)
Do you see the difference? It’s a mind shift. A really important one.
This didn’t occur to me completely until I read the above quote. I realized I was giving satan too much credit (and glory) for my life. Pretty upside down, isn’t it?
When you focus on Jesus, all the other stuff…satan’s schemes, anxiety, the desire to drink, frustration with life…it all fades away and you can “fight” satan from a place of peace. A place of strength.
That’s the space I want to live in.
Counterintuitive… like everything in the Bible
It’s completely counterintuitive, but you’ll find story after story to back this up in the Bible. Think of Gideon and his small group of warriors. Read Judges 6–7 to see how this works.
God fights your battles when you rest in Him. It’s the coolest thing, and yet, it requires proactive leaning in and resting. Proactive turning your thoughts and feelings toward Jesus and away from everything else.
You rest. God fights. Satan loses.
That’s the place of strength.
. . .
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