Day 4, Part 2 — What a Sober Evening on Day 4 Looks Like

Plus 4 takeaways from 4 days of sobriety

Photo by Brendan Church on Unsplash

Sober Journey Day 4, Part 2

4:00 PM

It is now 4pm, and I have had no desire to drink yet. But I am dying for ice cream.

I’ve found through years of trying to get and stay sober there are specific days that are more difficult than others. Day 3 is a toughie. And then Day 9. That’s typical for me.

So here I am on Day 4 having conquered what are usually three of the hardest days to get past on this journey.

I’m feeling good.

But I’d stab someone for an ice cream.

That’s the detox talking.

Your body wants a treat. The treat used to be alcohol. You’re not doing alcohol anymore. But your body still wants a treat.

Don’t Exchange One Demon for Another

It’s really important when you’re working towards sobriety to not replace alcohol with sugar or something else similar. Don’t even drink water out of a glass that reminds you of alcohol.

You’re reshaping your brain and its expectations.

I learned this from Belle Robertson. She changed my life during a very dark period, and her lessons have stuck with me. This was one of them. Don’t exchange one demon for another. It won’t help. You won’t break the cycle that way.

Sometimes Don’t Listen to Yourself

Now I’m going to completely ignore myself and go find some ice cream.

Hey! I’m at a work convention hanging in my room alone and still jet lagged from an overseas trip last week.

Don’t judge. The hotel has a really nice bar and other adult beverages I could buy in the hotel lobby, and I have been sober for three and half days.

Congrats, me!

When I am feeling strong about not drinking, then I will conquer the sugar cravings. In this situation, at this time, facing one demon seems like the best plan.

6:06 PM

I ate an entire pint of ice cream.

It made me so tired I feel like I could go to sleep for the night.

Being sober doesn’t mean you’re suddenly going to make good choices about everything, but it’s one step in the right direction. You can take other steps when you’re ready.

Bonus… I’m so full there’s no way I’d want to stuff any alcohol in there.

4 takeaways from sober day 4

1. Give yourself grace.

You’re not drinking. That’s the goal. The goal is not to be perfect or suddenly have it all together. The goal is to not drink today. To not drink right now in this minute.

Focus on that and forget the rest. For now.

2. You might feel shame — give yourself grace. (Yes, I said that twice. You need extra grace right now.)

You will probably start to recognize what you looked like as a non-sober person. Be prepared to feel some shame or embarrassment or disappointment… And then deal with it.

Look at the pain of what your life was like before so that you don’t forget and never want to return to that way of living again. Those memories will actually be important later on when you think, “Oh, I could probably have one drink now and be fine.” That’s when you can pull up the memories of embarrassment and shame. The memories of trying so hard to quit and failing.

Don’t wallow; but remember.

3. Forgive yourself so you can move forward.

Ask others to forgive you if necessary.

I’ve never done a 12-step program, but we’re all familiar with this very important step in that well-known program.

4. Start to recognize why you were drinking.

This is different than reflecting on what you looked like when you were drinking (#2).

Think about WHY you drank. What caused you to turn to booze?

There may have been different reasons in different seasons.

It’s important to know why so when “why” creeps up again, you can see it coming and be prepared with all the sober tools you’re gathering.

Final Thoughts

Deciding to be sober is a big decision and conquering it is even harder.

I’m not talking to the one who conquers Dry July without blinking an eye and wonders what the big deal is about choosing to be sober.

I’m talking to the one who thinks about drinking nonstop. The one who wonders how early is too early to start drinking each day. That’s the person this article is for.

I’m happy to chat with you about your own journey. Having people who get it is huge and so helpful.

I’m cheering for you.

Sometimes you will need to make a choice each second or minute. “I’m not drinking right now. I’m not drinking this minute.”

Sometimes you will make the choice for the day. And soon, the more days you add to your sober calendar, the longer you’ll be able to go without thinking about drinking.

But don’t get ahead of yourself. Take one moment at a time as needed.

That’s enough for now.