In my early 30s, I became a health nut. Then I started drinking and everything fell apart.

The key is to have support. We all need help at different times in our lives, and “help” can look different based on where we’re at. We’re not meant to do any part of life alone, especially something as difficult as crushing an addiction!

Now you have a voice in your head that says you shouldn’t stop. Many times that voice doesn’t show up until you’re ready to stop. Why would it bother you if you’re merrily drinking along? That’s your alcohol voice. It doesn’t want you to stop drinking, so it starts talking to you.

9:47am. I’m at work and stressed. I can feel my shoulders knotting. I’m a tightly wound ball ready to “throw hands” as my super cool tween says.

I couldn’t drink because I couldn’t handle it. I’m an all or nothing person, and since I didn’t want to be an “all alcohol” person, I had to be a “no alcohol” person. I couldn’t live in the middle like some people can.

I’ll use these sober tools as needed. Because I’m not drinking today.

You can either escape from disappointment and hide in an alcohol haze, or you can be sober and do whatever it is you can do no matter how small.

I ate an entire pint of ice cream. It made me so tired I feel like I could go to sleep for the night. Being sober doesn’t mean you’re suddenly going to make good choices about everything, but it’s one step in the right direction. You can take other steps when you’re ready.

Yes, there’s that initial crash after a dose of booze. That hard, deep sleep a bear couldn’t wake you out of. Then that wears off, and you’re left tossing and turning the rest of the night. Parched, nasty-tasting mouth, restless.

I don’t want to look up and see what I’ve done to myself. The bags under my eyes are epic. Pouches I could carry kittens in. I can see the effects of my liquid diet plain in the tiredness of my skin, the bagginess of my jowls…This is a mural of bad choices.