Day 100 — What Does 100 Days Sober Feel Like?

Normal.

Sober Journey Day 100

Sometimes “normal” gets you everywhere.

Day 100! I made it, and I’m really proud of myself.

I’ve only been here once before in my attempt to sober up.

Belle, who I’ve mentioned before, does a 100-day sober challenge regularly for her followers. That’s why this particular milestone sticks out in my head.

To celebrate, I had some of my favorite ice cream — Ben and Jerry’s Americone Dream.

And now I’m looking ahead to Days 120, 180, and 200. Random milestones, I know, but ones I’ve set for myself because setting mini goals is important. I also have special treats planned for each of these milestones.

How Does 100 Days Sober Feel?

How do I feel on 100 days alcohol-free? 100 days sober?

Normal.

I feel normal. Normal feels really good. Most of the time. And sometimes it feels plain weird.

It’s funny…my husband and I always joke about “normal”. We’ve renovated and fixed up a lot of houses over the years. Inevitably a major project will result in a shoulder shrug and the comment, “It looks normal.”

There are so many things that have to be fixed and simply brought up to standard…to norm…before moving on to decorating or making something unique. Before the finishing, special touches.

And that’s how I feel. I was rough and broken down. I had wallpaper and shag carpet from the 70s hiding my soul. I had to rip the wallpaper off, sand the walls, and paint everything white.

Now it’s normal. I’m normal.

What Is “Normal” Anyway?

Of course, “normal” is a relative term. It may look different for you than it does for me.

For me, it feels kind of boring (This can be dangerous for relapse. Click on link to see related articles).

Square even. I feel very level-headed, alert. Sometimes time seems to stand still; I don’t know what to do with myself. I feel lost.

I feel neutral. There aren’t nearly as many highs and lows as there used to be. This is good, but I’m still getting used to it. After nine years of constant highs and lows, neutral still feels weird. Good, but weird. Different.

Unfamiliar.

Sometimes I find myself tapping my fingers or my foot in anticipation. I feel like I’m waiting for something to happen, but I’m not going to create that something anymore, so I’m left waiting. It’s anticlimatic.

I feel peaceful.

What Comes After “Normal”?

I don’t know what comes next because I haven’t been here before. I haven’t been in the “after” before. And I don’t remember how I filled my days or what my life was like before I started drinking.

It doesn’t matter though because I’m different now, and I can never go back to “before”.

So…

Now maybe I can step back and look at what color I want to paint my walls. (Maybe I’ll start exercising.)

What pictures do I want to hang on the walls? (Maybe I’ll work on my diet and improve my health.)

What furniture will fit in the fresh, neutral room? (Maybe I’ll start a new hobby or work on that business I’ve always wanted to start.)

You can’t paint walls that have old wallpaper. (I mean you can, but PLEASE don’t! I beg you! It will not turn out well!)

You have to get to normal first. To neutral.

Normal might sound boring, but it’s not. It’s peaceful. It’s less chaotic. It’s simple.

Normal Ain’t Easy

Normal also isn’t easy to achieve. It takes a lot of work that may go completely unnoticed by others. Another thing Hubsy and I say is, “It looks like it’s supposed to look.”

9 times out of 10 all the work to get to neutral goes unnoticed by others.

Though as any renovator knows, there’s nothing “simple” about getting to that neutral stage. It takes a lot of work and patience. Of course, that also depends on what you’re starting with and the tools you have to work with. That’s why “normal” and “standard” aren’t really the same thing at all.

White walls might be standard, but they’re going to look completely different depending on whether they’re in an old Victorian home or in new construction.

So don’t be discouraged. No one may notice your white walls…and your white walls probably won’t look the same as anyone else’s because every house is unique.

YOU know how much time and effort and hard work it took to get to your normal, and that’s all that matters.

Pat yourself on the back, better yet, get yourself a special treat, and don’t worry about what anybody else thinks or notices. (And let’s move on from the house analogies! That horse is done and dead!)

Normal is good, and I’m so glad I’m here. If I stay here for a long time, I’m OK with that too. I’m not in a rush to move on even as strange and uncomfortable as it feels some days.

I might just stay in this safe, calm, boring place for a while. I actually like white walls. (Couldn’t resist.)

So how does Day 100 feel? It feels normal.

Sometimes normal gets you everywhere.