What To Do When an Introvert Reaches Overwhelm

Tip #6 — quit your job

Photo by Jan Kopřiva: https://www.pexels.com/photo/person-wearing-red-hoodie-3281130/

I wanted to punch another mother at soccer practice.

I was done.

Instead of inflicting pain on an innocent bystander, I went to my car where I sat quietly for the next hour.

When has an introvert (or a highly sensitive person) had enough?

Probably when they feel like punching or stabbing random people because they’re making too much noise. Aka: talking.

Don’t worry. I have never punched or stabbed a person in my entire life. But when I’ve reached my limit, I want to. And that’s the problem.

Am I a nutjob?

I’ve always been aware of how easily overwhelmed I become. And I’ve always thought maybe something was wrong with me — maybe I’m too sensitive or was sheltered too much.

Why do I feel the need to hide in my closet and cry when my son talks to me nonstop and won’t quit?

Why do I almost have a panic attack when I get back in my car for the umpteenth time to drop my kids at another practice or sit through another intense soccer match?

Why do I stay up later and get up earlier than everyone else so I can have a few minutes of complete silence?

Turns out I’m sensitive

A few years ago, my best friend recommended the book The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You by Elaine N. Aron, Ph.D. The title instantly resonated with me, but I did’t read it at the time.

Then I was explaining the above scenario to a friend the other day, and she also brought this book up! Hmmm…a sign? (By the way, it’s free on Kindle right now!)

I was only a few pages in with several passages highlighted before I realized what my “problem” was. I’m a highly sensitive person. On top of that, I’m a pretty extreme introvert. Double whammy!

(Highly sensitive people [HSP] are not always introverts and vice versa.)

You know how people have a word limit for the day? I was asking my friend if people also have a stimulation limit? A listening limit, etc.?

The book confirmed:

Everyone has a limit as to how much information or stimulation can be absorbed before one becomes overloaded, overstimulated, over-aroused, overwhelmed, and just over! We [HSPs] simply reach that point sooner than others. Fortunately, as soon as we get some downtime we recover nicely. (Aron, Location 295)

Problem solved! New problem enters

Suddenly my whole life made sense. I overwhelm easily.

Here’s the new problem. What do adult HSPs do when they have super active kids and they want to be very present in their parenting?

It was easier when they were little. I was a stay-at-home mom for years. I did a little contract work on the side, but nothing “overwhelming”.

Even though my kids were pretty chill for kids, I made them take a break every day. Even after they stopped napping, I required them to go to their rooms for at least an hour every afternoon so I could have a break.

It’s what kept me sane when they were younger.

But then…oh then!

They got older. They started playing club sports and started wanting to be with their friends all the time. They started needing rides everywhere. They started staying up later.

And then I started working full time.

Sound familiar?

So how do you cope?

False Solutions

There are good and bad ways to deal with overwhelm. Here are some false solutions that may seem helpful. In reality, they’re detrimental and make your situation worse.

1. Drinking

One way I used to “cope” with overwhelm was to drink.

Sometimes I wish I could drink so that I could go completely numb, but I don’t drink anymore. And I know from experience it actually doesn’t help. It only makes my prickliness worse. It makes me more anxious and short with everyone.

When I’m not drinking, I can hold it together and calmly tell my kids I can’t listen to one more word and need a break.

2. Food

Indulging in food is another coping mechanism that might feel good in the moment but doesn’t actually help you recharge, especially if it’s unhealthy.

3. Porn

Another false solution that covers up the overwhelm but doesn’t solve it is pornography. It’s considered a way to escape that leads to more problems.

4. Social Media…

…is another one that many people turn to when they’re bored or overwhelmed. It’s not a good solution because it can bring up feelings of inadequacy or frustration.

I know that isn’t always the case. My husband has recently started watching humorous Reels on Instagram and laughing like crazy. This seems like a good release for him.

You have to choose wisely. Choose something that allows release and rest instead of negative feelings. And of course, social media is a time sucker. How much do you really need for a brain break? Probably not an hour and a half. Set a timer if you can’t self-regulate.

Real solutions for the easily overwhelmed person

When I’m feeling maxed out, one of the things I need to get away from is stimulation. Another is getting away from my own mind. Here are some things that might work for you too.

1. Couch Potato It

This is what I do when I hit the bottom of my barrel. I realize it’s not the sexiest solution, but it works for me when I need to turn my brain completely off without the side effects that come from bad solutions like alcohol and ice cream.

It’s like a spa day for my brain.

2. Read

Reading is one of my daily coping mechanisms. It’s like a daily vitamin for my soul. It really doesn’t matter what I read, but the more maxed out I am the easier the read needs to be. That’s why I have several books going at all times so I can choose the right “pill” in that moment.

Reading isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. My husband finds reading taxing and draining. We are complete opposites in this. So this may not be the right cope for you, but it’s a really important one for me.

3. Find a Quiet Place With a Closed Door

More than several times a day I find myself in one of our bathrooms lingering. It’s one of the few places where I can create a physical barrier in my home even though I can still hear the noises throughout the house. And of course, 9 times out of 10 as soon as I lock myself away, someone yells, “MOM!”

Nevertheless, the bathroom has become a mini sanctuary for a quick break when I need to reset.

4. Play Mindless Games on Your Phone

Sometimes when I’m too tired or stressed to read, and choosing something to watch on TV feels like another decision I don’t want to make, I play Solitaire or Word Cookies on my phone.

You may argue this is like social media. It’s definitely in that category. But the games I play are a bit monotonous, which means I don’t stay on them for long.

5. Sleep!

There have been many times in the last few years when it becomes apparent that the kids aren’t going to bed as early as I hoped, and I just need to get away. So I go to bed. When in doubt, go to bed. If it isn’t nighttime, take a nap.

Side note: This is also a great tool when trying to stay sober. Go to bed early. You’re unlikely to get out of bed to go get a drink.

6. Quit Your Job

One way I decided to cope is to quit my job. That’s not the only reason I quit my job, but I basically felt like I had to decide between being present for my job or being present for my kids. My personality was not handling both.

I chose my kids.

I just quit my job last week, so I haven’t tested my theory that having time at home every day while the kids are in school will help me cope with the very busy, active, noisy, stimulation-loaded evenings and weekends.

But I have hope.

I understand I am lucky to have this option thanks to my husband’s income. If you don’t, maybe you could negotiate working from home a couple days a week or find a way to take quiet breaks at your workplace. Maybe your car could be your sanctuary?

How to stay charged so you don’t hit bottom in the first place

Obviously, sprinkling in the recommendations from above on a daily basis will help you maintain your sanity and not become too overwhelmed or overstimulated.

It’s also important to let those around you know when you need space, especially your family and close friends.

Don’t over commit. I used to be the classic case of saying yes to everything and then guiltily backing out later. I’ve learned to say NO. I’ve learned to look at my schedule and know how much I can take in a day or a week. I know what’s too much.

Know what works for you and be clear with others.

And finally…

Don’t punch people

The next time you feel like you want to punch a soccer mom or start snapping at everyone around you, recognize the symptoms of your tank being on E. There are noxious fumes coming out of the engine and sometimes it requires days of refuelling.

Highly Sensitive People need a toolkit to avoid overwhelm and overstimulation. Pay attention to what works for you, create some daily habits, and then lean into it without guilt.

You’ll be happier, and so will those around you!

. . .

The linked book is an affiliate link, but it’s free right now. At least it was when I wrote this article. Does that count as an affiliate link? In case it does, this is my disclaimer.