Getting Sober Isn’t a Group Event
You don’t need a friend to join your journey. You can quit alone.
If you found out you were diabetic, would you ask everyone to start eating a new diet with you? Would you ask them to start taking insulin shots daily so you don’t feel alone?
No. That would be silly.
If you wanted to go back to school to become a teacher, would you demand that your spouse quit his/her job and become a teacher too?
No. That would be weird.
If your neighbor committed a crime and went to jail, would you join them in solidarity? So they wouldn’t feel alone in jail?
No. Of course not.
If you need to quit an addiction, does anyone need to join you?
Nope. You can do it all by yourself.
Alone But Not Alone
When I say “by yourself”, I don’t mean you have no support system. It would be silly to attempt the monumental task of quitting alcohol (or other addiction) with no support system in place…whatever that may look like.
Diabetics have teams of doctors, nurses, and dieticians to support them.
Teachers-in-training have professors and classmates supporting them.
The jailbird has counselors and fellow inmates to commiserate with.
Notice the support system is set up to support the specific need. Also notice the support system typically offers, well, support.
The doctors aren’t doing insulin shots with the diabetic. Nor are they giving the diabetic the shots.
Each example has two elements:
The Experts — The doctor, counselor, and professor support those who need help. Maybe they’ve been through a similar journey; maybe they haven’t. They have the knowledge and training to help and assist the one on the journey.
The Colleagues — The diabetic, teachers-in-training, and jailbird all have sideways support. They’re walking along with others who are on the same exact journey. They get each other. They have a code, a special language, only those on this journey can understand.
You don’t have to conquer your addiction alone, but…
No one has to join you to start
If you need to get sober, but your spouse doesn’t, they don’t need to join you. Yes, that might be harder for you if they’re still drinking while you try to quit. And by “might” I mean it will be harder. At first.
You’ll have feelings of resentment, frustration, bitterness, and many others.
It won’t seem fair.
It isn’t. It isn’t fair that you can’t moderate but he can.
Life’s not fair.
Let’s accept that and move on so you can do the hard work of quitting an addiction that’s most likely ruining your life.
If your spouse does need to quit drinking, that’s on them. Maybe you getting sober will inspire them to quit too; maybe it won’t.
Getting sober is about YOU and only you.
