Now what? The shock and sadness of not being needed have turned into the desire to retire from the longest and hardest job I’ve ever had, motherhood. And run with arms wide open to the next thing.

I thought I was losing my mind. I’m now 43 years old and feel like my body has become an evil foe I’m not familiar with.

Life is hard.

This morning I was driving my 14-year-old girl to school. We ended up behind a nice car that had a sticker on the window. It was an orange skeleton hand giving us the middle finger with the message “F*ck Your Feelings.”

Getting to 40 was a climb up the steepest, rockiest mountain. There were times I didn’t think I would make it. The view was bleak as I looked at the pinnacle but couldn’t see what was on the other side, and usually imagined a solid cliff awaited me.