Beyond Grateful: A Deeper Exercise in Appreciation

Reflecting on moments you appreciate can change your outlook on life

This morning I was driving my 14-year-old girl to school. We ended up behind a nice car that had a sticker on the window. It was an orange skeleton hand giving us the middle finger with the message “F*ck Your Feelings.”

I said to my impressionable teen, “That guy has one chance to say one thing to the world, and that’s what he chose. Why would I ever want to be friends with him or meet him?”

A message like that goes beyond having a bad day or a bad season in life. It’s a mind-blowingly negative attitude that seems to be seeping deeply into society.

It’s a little scary.

Where’s the joy? Where’s the community and helping our neighbors?

The more messages I see like this on cars, and they are everywhere, the more concern I have for the world I’m raising my kids in.

I wanted to knock on that guy’s window and ask what he was thinking. Why was he so bitter, mean, and angry that that’s what he wanted to put on his car for everyone to see?

I was also a little furious I didn’t have a choice but to follow behind it and let it sink into my mind.

Light and Dark Are Always at War

Negative thoughts, news, and attitudes pervade our society.

Ironically, practicing gratitude and mindfulness is also prevalent in our society.

It’s almost like the more light tries to make its way in, the more darkness pushes against it. And so we have to keep fighting the good fight and not let the negativity overtake us.

One way to do that is by each one of us practicing more joyful attitudes. And it does take practice.

Our minds often think in “survival mode”. We’re constantly looking for danger and threats. Because our world is so busy and chaotic, it’s easy to live in that survival space, which is stressful and anxiety-producing.

This is why practicing positive behaviors and thinking actually requires intentional work. It doesn’t come naturally.

However, we can rewire our brains. The more we practice gratefulness and live in a positive space, the easier it is for our minds to move into that space during stressful times or when encountering something negative.

I wasn’t doing this and the negative thoughts have been swirling in my brain like a harassing mosquito. I knew I needed to get a grip because the constant swirl of negativity was affecting everything and everyone around me.

One night I decided to write down three things I was grateful for. It was difficult because I’d been living in such a negative space for so long.

What I wrote was simple. It wasn’t deep or complex at all. But I immediately felt a shift in my spirit and mind. It was subtle, but it stayed with me through the rest of that evening. I felt peaceful and calm and the negative thoughts completely stopped.

I did the same thing the next night with the same results.

To say I was shocked that such a simple, quick exercise could make a significant difference is an understatement.

And I wanted more.

A Deeper Appreciation/Gratitude Exercise

Thankfully, yesterday I learned about an exercise to deepen my gratitude and appreciation. To focus on the positive and let those messages sink into my heart. Doing this exercise last night had an impact on how I received the message of that car sticker today and even changed how I spoke to my girl about it. (With much less anger and frustration than I normally would have.)

As I went through this deeper gratitude/appreciation exercise last night, I stayed in the moment and it filled my whole body with positive feelings.

This is what you do:

1. Remember a moment when you felt apprecitation or gratitude for someone or something.

2. Recall the details until you feel you’re back in the moment: What was going on in that moment? Who was there? Why did you feel appreciation or gratitude?

3. What emotions did you feel?

4. How did your body feel? (ex. relaxed, energized, excited, calm, face smiling, etc.)

5. What did you do as you felt the appreciation/gratitude? What was your reaction?

The first few times you try this, take notes as you recall the moment. As it becomes a habit, you won’t need to do that unless you want to. Of course, writing always helps solidify something and makes it more concrete.

6. Here’s the best part…share your story with someone else. Not only does this impact you and your level of positivity, it also helps the person you’re telling.

Let’s bring more light into this anxious, negative-riddled world.

Let me know if you try this gratitude/appreciation exercise and how it was for you! I’d also love to hear other practices you have that are similar. Please share in the comments.