Why Do We Hold Ourselves Back?

Take a cue from Nike’s slogan: Just Do It!

Me on a hike with some new hiking buddies

When I was in middle school, I had a boyfriend.

He wanted to hold my hand, but he was scared to make the first move. My friends and I started slinging the Nike slogan in his face any chance we could: Just Do It!

Finally, he took the leap and grabbed my hand in the hall between classes one day. We were silly and giddy about the whole ordeal.

To this day, any time I hear or see the Nike slogan, I think of my cute middle school crush and how long it took him to do something we both wanted to happen.

Ironically, I could use a little more “Just Do It” in my life.

Thank God for my 14-year-old girl.

I’m a thinker. It takes me ages to make a decision. Any decision. That’s why I watch the same shows and movies over and over again. If I tried to find something new, I might be months down the road before I settled on something.

Choosing a paint color for a room is the most monumental task. My husband no longer asks for my opinion. He can’t handle the weeks of waffling.

Picking a new couch or a website name or an outfit for a special event…the amount of research I do for these tasks, well, I probably could’ve cured a disease by now.

And even when I come to a conclusion, I have regrets afterward. What if it wasn’t the best choice? Why did I pick the leopard sweater instead of the green one?

I’m exhausting!

Then my daughter was born. She’s the complete opposite of me.

It takes her 10 seconds to get dressed. She throws something on and then looks instead of looking before dressing.

Look before you leap? That is not her life motto.

She is thankfully cautious, but she thinks it’s stupid that people don’t do what they want to do.

Want to eat ice cream for dessert? Do it!
Want to build a house? Do it!
Want to lose weight? Do it!
Want to wear shorts even though you don’t look good in them? Do it!
Want to start hiking? Do it!

While I know that philosophy can get you into all kinds of trouble, I’m starting to lean in her direction a little.

My girl encourages me to be brave and take the leap without overthinking it…too much.

Recently my family went to Las Vegas for a few days and spent a morning in Red Rock Canyon for a little time in nature. I was blissed out even though it was over 100 degrees and felt like a suffocating oven.

In Red Rock Canyon, NV before I melted

I love to hike. It’s really the only active activity I enjoy. My husband and kids are super active and love to be on the move at all times.

Not me.

But a good hike in the woods or around some really cool rocks? I’m all in.

Unfortunately, hiking is too slow and boring for the rest of my family. So what’s a girl to do? Well, not hike obviously.

Recently I haven’t been OK with that. Why do my activities have to match my family’s? I do many other things on my own without them. And they do quite a bit without me.

This was a principle I learned when I was trying to stay sober. Often people struggle to choose sobriety when the people around them don’t.

If you were going to go back to school to become a nurse, would you expect your spouse to do the same? If you were going to train for a marathon, would you expect your best friend to join you? If you were going to write a book, should your grown child write one too?

Sometimes we get so attached to the people close to us we forget we’re individuals with individual desires and interests.

My theory is this is especially true for stay-at-home moms whose whole lives often revolve around the needs, wants, and desires of the OTHERS.

It’s OK. There is joy in that role. However, it’s important to remember there’s more to us than one role.

Lately, I’ve been doing just that. I’ve been thinking about my wants, needs, and desires, and without abandoning my family, trying to fit some of them into my life.

During our hike in Red Rock Canyon, I mentioned how much I love hiking and wished I could do it more often.

Guess what my daughter said. “Just Do It!”

I’ve thought about it many times, but so much has held me back. Mostly fear of the unknown. What if there are bears? What if I get lost? Where should I go? What should I take? How long would it take?

The fear questions rolled around in my brain for years until I talked myself out of hiking every single time.

My best friend introduced me to a group called Explorer Chick that sets up hikes all over the world for women. It’s a really brilliant group. We’ve vowed we’ll go on a trip with them once a year.

This is a great start, but what about now? What about every month or every week?

With all that’s available on the internet, I knew there had to be hiking groups somewhere. After Vegas, I got online and started searching. (I’m really good at that.) I immediately found the site Meetup and joined a few outdoor groups in my area.

Ironically, or maybe providentially, a hike was set up for the next day after I signed up. It was at a nearby location, the weather was going to be perfect, and it would only take 2–3 hours, meaning I could leave my kids at home with no worries.

Perfect!

Except…I hesitated to click the RSVP button.

What if the leader is an ax murderer? What if I’m not fit enough? What if I don’t have the right gear? What if my kids need me? Is this a waste of time?

I waited a day.

I sent a message to one of the attendees to make sure they weren’t a bot left to lure me onto a wilderness trail where I’d disappear and never be seen again. (I think I watch too many dramas.)

And then I thought of my girl: Just Do It.

I finally clicked the RSVP button and swore to myself I wouldn’t back out.

Believe me. There was quite a bit of wavering before I finally got in my car to head to the meeting point.

But I did it. I met some lovely people. Took a beautiful hike in lovely weather, and felt rejuvenated and super proud of myself for just doing it.

The best part? Now I know I CAN.

Look how happy I am! Why did I take so long to do this?!

Why do we hold ourselves back from good things?

What’s holding you back?

Can I suggest you take some advice from a 14-year-old and Nike?

Just Do It!