My journey to sober. Day 5.
Dumb Blaire
I knew she’d be back eventually. That Blaire. Knocking on my door. Hey, babe! Let’s have a drink!
Grrrr… I really hate her. And I don’t hate hardly anyone. Mainly just her and her perfectly manicured nails and fresh bikini wax.
I had a rough last night last night. As mentioned in my previous post. I didn’t sleep well at all despite the melatonin.
Endorphins and Cocaine
Nevertheless, I exercised this morning, which I haven’t done in a week. (Emi Wong is the bomb!) I thought maybe some endorphins would help me be more interested in being sober. It wasn’t fun. But I got to use one of my new enamel heart stickers to indicate that I worked out today. So that was super exciting.
So far the day has been pretty mild and calm, but I can hear Blaire creeping up on me. I’m feeling tired and just bleh. It’s the end of the week. I didn’t accomplish nearly as much as I wanted to. (See Days 3 and 4 for that tirade.) I’d just like to go numb.
I even skipped my afternoon sugar fix. There are buttery, chocolatey brownies in the fridge, but I gave them my stuck up nose and said no thanks! Because it’s not good to replace alcohol with sugar. It’s like replacing cocaine with heroine. (I guess… that may be a terrible analogy, but you get my point, I hope.)
Coping With a Night Out
We’re going out to eat with friends tonight. I’ll be the designated driver. Self-appointed. I’ve already prepped myself, visualized looking at the mocktail menu or ordering a Perrier with slices of lemon. I’m prepared. But I’m not as excited or motivated as I was earlier this week.
Not a big surprise. It’s not gonna be rainbows and Lucky Charms every day. Mmmm… Lucky Charms! I could use some magically delicious right about now!
Conquering Dinner
I put a number 5 sticker on my thumb to remind me what my goal was. When the drink menu arrived, my stomach dropped. But I kept my cool.
My friends had read my posts and knew what I was doing. They asked me about it and were supportive. No big deal. It rarely is. It’s only a big deal to me… to us. Nobody else really cares as long as you’re not infringing on their rights, which I would never do.
So everyone else ordered drinks and I ordered a fancy ginger ale. Normally I’d just have water if I wasn’t drinking alcohol. I’m not a soda drinker. But for this stage, it’s nice to have something different and interesting to sip on.
And honestly, I didn’t miss the alcohol at all. I was alert and awake for the whole conversation. I never got sleepy or droopy. It was pretty great actually. And my drink cost about half as much as everyone else’s. Ha! Bonus!
Still No Sleep
We got home late. So I didn’t bother with sleeping aids, but then I stayed up till midnight. Spry and alert. I know I’ll even out soon. I just have to be patient.
Regardless… Day 5 DONE!
Shout Out
I also want to take this opportunity to say how grateful I am for all those of you who have encouraged me, sent private messages and texts, let me know that you’re starting this journey too, and checked in. It’s been a completely different experience from the first time I did this years ago. A much better one. I feel much stronger with all of you behind me, rooting for me with no judgement. What a great tribe I have!
And if you’re out there alone without a tribe, I’ll be it. Seriously. Reach out. I’m here! And if I’m not the best person for the job, I’ll help you find someone who is. Don’t do something this hard alone. That sucks.