Today is launch day. Day 1. The beginning of a long quest to eliminate alcohol from my body, but more importantly from my mind.
I’ve heard that it takes nine days for all of the alcohol to actually leave your body. So I’m going to keep that in mind over the next few days. I’m detoxing.
Somehow that’s easier to stomach, right? I mean, nobody thinks it’s weird when you say you’re going off sugar for a while. Or going to eliminate gluten from your diet. Nobody cares. But say you’re going off alcohol and the stars collide and martians invade the planet.
Is Life Really That Bad?
You’re doing what? Why would you do that to yourself? How are you going to cope? Survive? Live this life???
Is life really that bad? I think that’s the question that has really been drilling a little hole in my brain lately. Is it so bad that I HAVE to have a drink to get through? I mean, wow. I have a great life. A really great life.
But something that used to be fun when you got together with friends, or used to celebrate a special occasion has suddenly become a really unhealthy coping mechanism.
Okay… this wasn’t supposed to get all philosophical. I really meant to document my day. That’s part of it though I guess. Part of the process and understanding why I’m doing what I’m doing and why it’s kinda silly. Not the getting sober part, but why I feel I need to drink… that’s the silly part.
So. Today. I went shopping with Lula for six straight hours. It was a nightmare. Navigating the mall with masks and signing in and out at every single store. Sometimes getting your temperature taken and sometimes not. Hand sanitizer occasionally. Social distancing while waiting for a dressing room that was previously inhabited… nakedly I might add, by the same person you were just social distancing from.
Six hours of this crazy. And six hours with my tween girl who wanted to go shopping with me and could barley sleep over the weekend because she was so excited. Who didn’t get annoyed with me once. We shared a few laughs. We took some videos of each other. One time we even sighed contentedly at the same exact moment over burgers and fries and then giggled.
Not once did I think of alcohol. I never thought, “I need a glass to get through this.” And if I had? Again, wow. I got to hang out with my daughter today, clear-headed, completely present. Fully there. It was so great.
Then when we got home, I told her to go away and give me some space and let me rest. It’s bad to be overwhelmed when you’re detoxing. Belle says so a lot. I believe her. Lula totally gets me and so she totally got what I was saying and left me alone.
At dinner, she pulled out all of her new stuff and we shared our day with the boys.
Now it’s almost 7pm and the only funky thought I’ve had today was, “You can start tomorrow. It’s OK.”
Your Alcohol Voice
This happens, that voice. Belle calls it Wolfie. That’s never been my favorite name for the voice because I kind of like wolves. So I need to come up with a different name for “alcohol voice”. A character I really detest that I’ll really enjoy telling “SHUT UP!” I haven’t come up with anything yet, but I realize this is a strategy I’m going to need in the coming days.
Pretty Stickers Help
I also bought stickers today. On Day 0 I mentioned that I hate numbers and counting. But I’m going to do it anyway. Except this time I bought some pretty stickers to mark my calendar with. They’re so fun that I wanted to race ahead and mark Day 1 right away, but I’m not going to cheat. In the morning when I’m sure of victory, that’s when I’ll mark it.
There might also be some fun heart stickers to mark the days I work out. Like a toddler, I’m totally motivated by cute stickers. If you are too, please get yourself some!
Funny story. Instead of what and when I was going to drink consuming my thoughts today, I had a whole conversation in my head about where I was going to use the stickers. On the calendar that ends this month and probably won’t be replaced till August because of the move? Or on my planner which I never use because I hate planning but will at least have pretty stickers and goes to the end of the year? Pant Pant Pant. That was a really long sentence!
And the winner is…. THE PLANNER!!!
OK… this has gone on long enough, and I have more to say, but I have so many more very alert days to say them. So I’ll save some for later!
Good night. And good luck.